February 7, 2024
A friend asked me to write more gay things and I truly want to but also… It’s become so hard to distinguish my queer experience from life itself. I think everything I write these days is gay. Everything I do is gay. Queerness colors every second of my day.
For instance, I hook up with cis guys differently (and less, for that matter) than I did when I wasn’t out. I don’t romanticize them or the idea of a relationship anymore, I don’t perform for them anymore (well, I try my best, that shit is deeply ingrained), and I have detached their worth from the expectations set by Disney romcoms. Also, I’ll be honest, dating women has set my standards way too high for most men to reach. Did you know how easy it is to make someone happy?? To pick up honey while you’re at the store because you noticed your partner is almost out? How fucking happy that will make them while costing you literally no time at all? Who was in charge of telling the men this?? That person needs to be fired.
I also find straight monogamous love stories so fucking boring now. MALE LOVE INTEREST kissed his childhood next-door neighbor and GIRL LOVE INTEREST is hurt? I’m sorry for her but… she also kinda likes her coworker, right? And more generally speaking, is your lips on my lips and on no one else’s really how we should define the strength of relationships? I’m not shitting on monogamy, I think monogamy is great for some. But oh sweet straight-cis-blonde-girl-in-a-white-tank-top-and-faded-blue-jeans crying on my screen, if you blindly subscribe to what society has told you is a relationship, you’re never going to be happy. Talk! Talk! Talk! Why is it that we talk so much more in queer relationships? I suppose we can’t fit in the pre-defined pattern anyways, so if we’re gonna make our own box, it might as well fit.
And - alright this may be the more controversial part of this, but hear me out - I know my perspective is skewed, but… I think we’re all minimum 5% gay. Or, at the very least, everyone (men included, 2024 is the year of the bi man after all) has one person in this world they would go gay for. If you think I’m wrong, go see mean girls. Anyone who sees Renee Rapp in it will come out 10% gayer.
Being queer informs every single step I take. Which bar I go to, which friends I connect to most, how much shit I’m willing to take from people I date, who I’m dating, where I want to live (and gosh how lucky I am to get to pick a place that welcomes me!), my Google searches, the media I consume, everything! So how could I write more gay things?
Cause after all, if everyone’s gay…
then everything is, too.
I am no shrink or life expert. In fact life throws me a lot of lemons. But I'm pretty good at making lemonade, being resilient and (I've been told) giving advice. So, if you need an outsider's perspective, I'm here! On love & relationships, on family issues, on work, on anything really. I'll give you my take and maybe (hopefully) it'll help. 100% anonymous of course.