November 15, 2023

Still

I woke up dead

tired again.

My shoulders still tense,

my jaw still locked,

my teeth still tight

from yesterday.

Or was it my dreams this time?

Who knows.

Who cares.

It’s all the same pain anyway.


The pain under the skin of my forehead.

The pain between my shoulder blades.

The pain along the rims of my eyes.

The pain that flanks my womb.

The pain in my brain in my thoughts in my mind are you looking at me are you thinking of me are you seeing how decrepit I am how I’ve ran until my lungs gave out yet I’m still just inches away from where you left me oh so fucking long ago with still that same leash you put around my neck studs facing inwards blood pouring down my chest

drip

drip

drip

slowly enough that my body makes more ensuring I can never bleed out and are you why I frantically cover my flesh with ink, why I perpetually look for ways to erase your mark only to discover

every

day

another inch that you’ve scorched with your name.


I’m done with you.


I’m done talking about you.


I’m done holding space for you.


I’m done I’m done I’m done I say I’m done, I scream I’m done with every word I type with every lover I kiss with every flight I take with every penny I throw with every shot I down with every tear I shed with every joint I smoke with every lucky-number-shooting-star-birthday-cake wish I make with every night I doze

off.


Yet

8 hours later

it’s still the same pain

within my brain.


Maybe one day,

sleep will wield

the grace

you

never did.


maybe i can help :)

I am no shrink or life expert. In fact life throws me a lot of lemons. But I'm pretty good at making lemonade, being resilient and (I've been told) giving advice. So, if you need an outsider's perspective, I'm here! On love & relationships, on family issues, on work, on anything really. I'll give you my take and maybe (hopefully) it'll help. 100% anonymous of course.

Thank you for reaching out! I will get back to you as soon as possible.
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